January 2010
125 posts
Amanda...
That’s how I feel every single day I’m in San Francisco.
You Wouldn't Even Recognize...
the girl you left behind.
Happy New Year.
December 2009
89 posts
New Year.
Every year, right before New Years Eve, I write what I’ve learned from the past year. Though I can’t believe it’s already time again, it is…So here goes:
1. The best friends in your life aren’t the ones who’ve been around the longest, they’re the ones who put up with you, love you no matter what & refuse to let you go without a fight.
2. Life...
FUCK THIS.
heart.
Dylan C. Byers.
You are the only person who holds my heart with gentle hands. You are the only person who isn’t careless. You are the only person who holds it & respects it & makes me feel safe.
Everyone else just riddles it with scars & carelessly punctures it.
& they don’t even know that they do it.
Tonight:
I wanted to go to your house & throw rocks at your window. I wanted to get your attention. I wanted to tell you that it doesn’t matter to me how flawed you are, or how flawed I am. I love you, & we can work this out tomorrow or the next day…Because I know your sad & I wanted to help, & tonight our problems don’t matter…Only your pain does. I wanted...
I could think about hope, & optimism. I could remember that life is beautiful & that we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. I could rejoice in the fact that I am alive.
But fuck that…All I really want right now is a sharp razor to drag across my thigh. At least the crimson blood is proof that I’m still breathing.
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
All I wanted to do was talk. & be there for you.
We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.
– Looking For Alaska.
On the days when you feel dead inside, & like the world is going to crush you until you can no longer breath….
Just remember…
“We are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be.”
“It’s like she’s your platonic soulmate.”
I think you said that to me once. A year or so ago…No offense, but you were wrong…Because the truth is, that title belongs to you.
Maybe I’m not the best…Maybe I’m just good.
Find your courage. You’re going to need it.
You’re the only person who truly SEES me, & loves me [anyways] & will love me forever.
People are crooked. Nobody’s perfect. If you expect perfection you will always be disappointed. & you will be a hypocrite…Because guess what? You’re crooked too. We are ALL crooked & fucked up & different. & we are all miles away from being perfect.
If you believe no one will fight for you, if you believe no one is there for you, if you believe people will...
I am always in the wrong, I am always the bad person, I am always the bitch.
The last vampire is the mother of all vampires & that is the vampire of...
– [Title of Show.]
Love knows nothing of rank or riverbank.
– Shakespeare in Love.
I Am A...
Guilty One.
[Tosser.]
Renthead.
& sometimes I think those things say more about me then anything else.
Die Vampire, Die!
– [Title of Show.]
Just Listened To...
Give It Up by The Format. For the first time I completely understood & could relate to the lyrics…Unfortunately, that’s not really a good thing…
It’s your choice Sid. Everything is your choice. Wake up.
– Cassie Ainsworth. [Skins]
Secret. [#6]
I feel completely worthless, 76% of the time.
Secret. [#5]
Sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted my youth.
Oh baby, baby it’s a wild world. It’s hard to get by just upon a...
– Cat Stevens.
It’s a fucking stupid, messed up world. I’ve got my God, he speaks...
– Skins.
Confession.
A lot of really important things have happened in the last 5 months. I’ve gone through so much. I needed you & you weren’t here….& I refuse to take sole responsibility for that. Because it is not all my fault.
Love denied blights the soul we owe to God.
– Tom Stoppard.
Marshmallow.
I miss that nickname.
& I miss my red hair. I want it back. I shall have it back. A nice light red, the kind of red that will compliment my freckles & my blue eyes.
Love,
Marshmallow.